The Barrel of Monkeys' New Clothes

I have been pointing out for years that the hardest thing about judging wine is remaining objective. I have shared my own techniques for eliminating variables, which include always using the same glass, and tasting in the same order. Now Stanford University has published a report that illustrates exactly what i have been trying to stress. It is easier to fool ourselves than we think.

The report demonstrates that telling someone the cost of a wine influences their perception of it. This is very similar to telling someone to not think about a barrel of monkeys. Plant the perception, put people in a position where they defer their own opinions to an expert or a supposed fact, and you can make them believe almost anything. This is exactly why I keep my eyes open for wine quackery.

I recently gave a series of lectures at the International Restaurant (and Nightclub and Hotel) Show in Las Vegas (a hello and thank you to al that attended). The show floor was awash new and wonderful gadgets, ideas and do-das. Not to mention half naked women pouring every kind of booze imaginable.

Among the eye and literal candy there were several vendors demonstrating their "wine enhancement" products. The ones I am going to harp on here are not those that rely on unknown metaphysical forces, if I haven't convinced you yet to ignore those, then you deserve them. No, this time I am going after the devices that help wine to aerate.

I have already debunked the expensive crystal glasses in an earlier blog, but even then I wondered how well known wine personalities could be so enamored of them as to lend their endorsement to the product packaging.

The earlier glasses and the aerating products at the show did indeed make a difference to the wine. A slight difference, and one that is easy duplicated without the cost and mess, by simply swirling the wine in your glass.

So why then do these products continue to sell? Or even more to the point why were the reps at the show so surprised that they couldn't win me over when so many others had been praising their products?

The parable of the Emperor's New Clothes is so important to our society that it has become part of our social consciousness, far outliving Hans Christian Anderson. In the story we are told that only those who are worthy can see the clothes. Since everyone wants to be worthy, they all claim to see the clothes, and even convince themselves of fine details that don't exist.

Tasting wine is an odd pursuit in that each of us to some degree doubts our abilities. We almost always ask others of their impressions, and the response can not help but taint our experience, in the barrel of monkeys tradition.

Hand someone a taste of wine and tell them it is worth a great deal of money, and they will think better of the wine. That is the crux of the Sanford research. Tell them your product has greatly improved the wine and when they do taste that there is a slight difference, they will elevate that difference in their minds in an attempt to be worthy of "seeing the Emperor's clothes."

This is human nature, and it is exactly why people have been selling snake oil since the dawn of time. The moral of my lesson is to trust your own abilities and sense of taste. Stand up for what you taste in wine, and don't worry if no one else ever tastes what you do. It is all subjective, and your opinion is exactly as valuable as mine (I just have a better chance of telling you how it stacks up to other wines of the class or value).

You don't need to run out and buy the latest gizmo to enjoy wine. Just open a few bottles and have fun with the contents therein. Take the money you saved on not buying that gadget and buy a bottle of wine you have never tried before. Good or bad, the education you get from that wine will almost certainly be a better value than the myriad wine enhancers that keep popping up.

The rep who was so dismayed that someone didn't find their product earth shattering left me with this retort: "Why then do so many wineries buy our product? They wouldn't buy something that doesn't work!" It is hard for me, but I will refrain from a lesson in logic and simply point out what my regular readers already know. Not everything that a winery does, or any other human endeavor does, works.